Seeking to Know and Be Known
In relationships we are ultimately seeking to be known and to know, to share ourselves and experience the sharing of the other. We seek a sense of safety and fulfillment in relationships. In marriage, we enter into a nuptial union which involves a reciprocal gift of the one to the other - body, mind, heart, and soul. It cuts to depths of our being. Caritas seeks to guide each relationship along paths which will help it attain a mutual fulfillment.
No Relationship is Perfect
Relationships can be tremendously confusing: On one hand they are the source of a magnificent amount of joy in our lives, yet on the other seem to be the source of unhappiness. No relationship is perfect! Some relationships experience difficulties or a lack of fulfillment at some time or another, others seem to be stuck in cycle of destructive behavior and unhappiness, while others may be working in many ways, but can still strive toward optimal happiness. Whatever point you are at, do not be discouraged, as the human heart loves with an extraordinary amount of energy, thus making for inevitable volatility.
Theology of the Body and Marriage/Relationships
Saint John Paul II wrote a kind of guide to healthy marriages and sexuality, called "Theology of the Body." At Caritas we synthesize the deep principles within these ideas with traditional marriage counseling in order to help you experience a fruitful and fulfilling relationship.
“In marriage, physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion.”
Getting to Know Ourselves
Relationships are not simply about working with the other, but also involve getting to know ourselves better. Relationship with God and self are just as important in achieving healthy relationships with the other as anything else. In doing so we will put ourselves in the best position to be able truly let ourselves love and be loved. This involves identifying our own relational patterns, strengths, and blind-spots and working on them individually. This is one of the pillars of therapy at Caritas. We spend time working with each couple, but also with each individual so as to provide a fully systemic solution.
Communication
One key to healthy relationships is authentic and honest communication between partners. We grow-up, enter into deep intimate relationships and often are never taught what truly healthy and fulfilling communication looks like. At Caritas, we focus on giving couples the skills and safe environment to engage in flourishing intimate communication. This involves learning to set aside resentments and frustrations which have built up over time, and truly “taking in” what they have to say - to penetrate through the surface to the emotion and meaning behind what our loved one is expressing. It also involves learning to express our ideas, desires, needs, and frustrations in ways which respect our needs, but also allow our loved one truly “take in,” what we are saying in ways which are conducive to a lowered defensive posture.
Seeing the Others Actions Through a Different Lens
We often get stuck in a cycle of viewing the others anger or frustration with us through a defensive lens in which we simply feel attacked and then proceed to shut down or fight back. Yet a key to healthy relationships is learning to see that the attacks which feel hurtful to us, are truly coming from a hurt place within the other. Its not as if they are simply spewing venom at us because they want us to be unhappy, rather they feel authentically hurt themselves. As each person is able to view the other through this new lens, it penetrates the defenses and allows each participant to be authentically seen, known and understood for what is really going on and more importantly who they really are. This inevitably leads to a greater love between the couple.
